quarta-feira, 30 de agosto de 2006

Time for an assessment


New world? Definitely, at least for me it is. Brave? No, I don't think so.

For the very first time in mankind's history, the whole planet is involved, at least virtually. This is the world of the 21.st century, inhabited by men and women of the 21.st century.

What was I expecting to find, to discover, that might – just might – help me change this bad opinion I have of mankind's future, which has been haunting me for the last few decades? Hard to say. All theatrical poses aside, excessive naïveté and credulity turn easily into imbecility. This seems to have been my motto for a long time now. I guess I've always wanted to believe because I know in the end I'm always sceptical. The truth is, however, I do not believe.

My intention of having a blog, though it was set off by personal, intimate reasons, has never had anything to do with wanting to watch myself in a public mirror. This is a reason that wouldn't have ever attracted me to bloggers' community. Keeping a diary is an interesting, useful activity I carried out myself for some time (years, as a matter of fact) in the privacy of my notebooks. For my eyes only. Others may have other concepts of what a diary should be, that goes without saying. I don't argue that either.

I had thought of my blog more as a place for the sharing of ideas, convictions, knowledge, wisdom, wit, sorrow, happiness, sadness, help, understanding, compassion, respect, questions, answers, quests, discoveries, findings, you name it. I'm still thinking the same of it. Too high an expectation? Don't think so either.

Whether I'm disappointed? I think I am. That I was expecting everyone would be somehow better human beings only because I was meeting them on the net? I am naïf indeed, quite often, but I'm definitely not an idiot. Exceptions to this shadowy scenery? A few, of course, rather good ones indeed, but much fewer than I was willing to admit. To my disenchantment.

Right this minute I'm having difficulties in putting in words what goes through my mind and heart, since these words aren't mine. I'm somehow borrowing them. But that's only a part of the problem, which I can cope with without blaming myself for it. I've made that choice myself quite consciously. I don't regret it at all.

You get an email, and you feel more or less uncomfortable until you've answered it. Someone out there is waiting, and you're not supposed to leave people waiting. Once answered, you feel you've done your job. And you feel well again.
You send an email and… Let's not get into poor, sad details. It's just not worth it.

It's time for me to set things right, I think. On my favourites' list there are links that will cease to exist. Being polite doesn't pay most of the time nowadays. This is a lesson I've been taught by life many times, over and over again. But I guess I never learn… Am I stupid or what? One tries to be friendly several times in a row, and what does he get in return? Olympic disregard. Yes, that's human too, I know. «L'esprit du temps» is how the French call it; the Germans call it «Zeitgeist». What I call it doesn't really matter now.

So I'm settling for the happy few. These know they're not concerned by this outburst of dismay. I believe they know now, too, I am like that: like a sleeping volcano that suddenly bursts into a huge eruption that calms down soon after.

Many thanks to all of you whom I know I have great reasons to be grateful to!

22 comentários:

Joel disse...

Are you alright?!

Can I know what happened?!

RIC disse...

Yes, Joel, thank you, I'm alright enough.
Nothing actually happened. I just thought it was time for me to evaluate this experience and draw some conclusions, that's all. As I seldom speak of myself, I guess others will be asking the same. But from time to time I also need to open the door... or slam it.

Joel disse...

I'm gonna work on my blogroll this week end, wanna work on yours?!

Lets set a time for both of us!?

OK?!

castor disse...

It's very intersting: We have the same basis to contemplate the incidents around us, Ricardo ...
Wir könnten von derselben Mutter gesäugt worden sein :-). Das heißt, ich bin vone einer Amme gesäugt worden, da meine Mutter keine Milch hatte ...

André disse...

Falaste de muitas coisas, misturaste os teus sentimentos relativamente aos resultados da tua experiência na blogoesfera com mails que ficaram por responder, etc. Se calhar é tudo a mesma coisa, provavelmente será...
Espero que relativamente ao teu blog estejas tranquilo, nota-se realmente uma preocupação em actualizar o blog, em não deixar nenhum comentário sem resposta, em aconchegar o leitor, que eu acho extraordinária e da qual penso que só te podes orgulhar...
A educação faz parte de cada um, não acredito que possa ser administrada em doses variáveis de acordo com a maior ou menor rispidez dos que nos rodeiam. E tu és definitivamente bem educado (se me permites a opinião).
Desculpa lá a extensão do comentário, e agora mais do que nunca: Parabéns pelo blog.

RIC disse...

Soweit ich weiss, wird man unter bestimmten Konjunkturen geboren. Vielleicht steckt da der Grund dafür, dass es Wahlverwandschaften überhaupt gibt...
Herzlichen Dank, lieber Hans!

RIC disse...

Caríssimo André,
Aqui estás à vontade para escrever nas dimensões que entenderes. Um comentário NÃO é de todo uma palavra ou um emoticon... Mas isto decorre obviamente da minha «deformação profissional».
Por muitíssimas razões, não tenho grande à-vontade em lidar com os meus sentimentos e emoções, pelo que se vão acumulando até «não dar mais pra engolir», como canta a Bethânia...
Agradeço~te os elogios e, sobretudo, as opiniões; é por aí que nos vamos revelando uns aos outros. Digamos que é disso que eu gosto mais...
Fazes decerto parte da jovem geração portuguesa que não se deixou fascinar por devaneios infundados e que apostou no seu crescimento e desenvolvimento interiores. Não poderás imaginar quanto isso me deixa feliz! Talvez um dia me possa explicar melhor...
Um forte abraço e muito obrigado!

Minge disse...

DOn't be disappointed. I'm not!

I used to get loads of comments and no longer do, but it doesn't put me off. I love blogging and I love reading your blog.

RIC disse...

Thank you, Minge! You know by now it's not a matter of quantity but quality. Besides, «I'm settling for the happy few». And I have no intention whatsoever of quitting. No way! I love my writing and oyhers' too much. I'm learning lots of things everyday, and that's marvellous.
But sometimes slamming a door is just the right thing to do. Puts everything in perspective.
You know I love you already.
All the best!

RIC disse...

Hello JOEL!
That's quite a good idea, yes! I would like that very much, as I'd told you before.
You set the time and let me know, okay? Any time will suit me just fine. I'm on my own, no worries...
Thank you, Joel, for being so attentive and kind!
Je t'aime bien, tu le sais aussi.

The Brian disse...

Interesting post, frustrating though in that I wish to know more.... Hope all is well. B

RIC disse...

Thank you, Brian! Definitely not the most interesting post though, I'm sure... I wish I could do anything to release you from that feeling of frustration. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Questions are never indescreet; answers may be...
Greetings from Lisbon!

Shadow disse...

Como o André disse, falaste de tantas coisas... Coisas essas, que para mim, são/seriam temas para dedos e dedos de diálogo. Apesar de andar numa fase em que me quero muda, circunstâncias da vida,em tempos passados dava tudo por um debate de ideias (desculpa-me este 'grito').
Isto tudo para dizer-te, e permite que o diga assim: Aprecio o teu «perfume»!
São espaços como o teu, que ainda me fazem dar um passeio pelos blog's.

Continua assim, sff. Obrigada.

RIC disse...

Não tens de me agradecer, Shadow!
A minha atitude não é propriamente altruísta; é capaz até de ser sobretudo egoísta... Mas há momentos e momentos. Para poder fazer o que gosto e de que outros também gostam, estou em crer que tenho de fechar certas portas, talvez até bater com algumas delas. São riscos ineretes às relações interpessoais. Já tenho idade mais que suficiente para saber isso.
Por outro lado, uma avaliação é apenas isso mesmo: um balanço. Nada mais. Jamais me passou pela cabeça desistir fosse do que fosse. Se depender apenas da minha vontade, continuarei com o meu «programa», tão variado quanto possível. É assim que me sinto bem. E melhor me sinto se outros gostarem.
Uma boa noite para ti!

Minge disse...

I'm relieved to learn you're not about to quit.

Phew.

RIC disse...

I apologize if I gave you - and others as well - the impression I would be quitting. I'm not, and I've never pondered that hypothesis.
I've been wasting much more time than I should, considering the feedbeack I was getting. That's why I'm settling for the happy few. They'll be my partners on this journey from now on.
Thanks a lot for your concern! You're great! :-)

Gumby disse...

wow. what happened?

RIC disse...

Nothing especial, George. Thank you for your concern!
Curiously enough it's exactly those «happy few» who are showing their concern. This can only mean I was right in my assessment all the way.
The only thing is I don't intend to waste my time if I can use it writing for those who care for me and I care for. That's all.
I'm thrilled with the marvellous news about your career! Really I am! Keep on posting about it!
(As for the name, ask the yellow dog... I'm sure he knows all about it...) (lol&lol) :-)

/me disse...

Gostei de ler o teu blog.

RIC disse...

... E eu, da tua visita, /Me! Volta sempre, és bem-vindo! Obrigado!

Shadow disse...

Ric, sendo uma atitude não altruísta ou egoísta, é a tua. Não julgo (às vezes faço é alguns 'traços'). Apenas vou atrás dos meus sentires. E sem nenhum tipo de pretensão, repito: gosto do 'aroma que emanas'. Folgo em saber que pensas em não desistir.
Pelo teu «programa», deduzi que fosses um ludator. Continua!

RIC disse...

Quem me dera, quem me dera... Sou bem mais obstinado e teimoso do que lutador...
Mas quando se me mete uma coisa nos..., faço tudo por ir até ao fim. Mesmo que acabe por perder. Afinal, sou apenas humano...