Poor chavs, how I pity them...

I am in the company of someone I am lavishly fancying, and we are on the edge of… well, you know… Heads completely lost, anxious to move on to the next step, not knowing right from wrong anymore…

Red Light!!! Stop!!!
Okay, okay! I'll go get them, there are some in the top drawer, I guess (I just can't have used them all up already, I think.).

– Oh don't bother, dear! I happened to buy some this afternoon. Aren't they cute?

Oh my God! The very minute I see that my… interest is gone. How?! I was so interested just a second ago… Under the room's shadowy light I take a closer look at the small package. Horror! It's a «Burberry»!

I wake up in distress. My bed sheets are soaked in sweat. Another f…cking nightmare. When is this sh…t ever going to end?

«The horrid omnipresence of «Burberry» tacky pattern…»

Puhlease! … Why did I have to write down this sentence in my notebook?! It just went on hammering in the back of my head. The nightmare was the outcome.

Around here you can see it almost everywhere: women and men alike wear anything displaying this pseudo‑classical combination of beige, red, white and black in a pattern which looks – it does look – rather Scottish. Maybe that's why it's so attractive, I couldn't say. I've never liked it, don't know exactly why either…

When I was about to start searching for an eloquent visual example of my viewpoint (so that I could convince my blogger friends I'm so right about this!) – Oh vision from hell below! – I came across this infamy in the shape of a… condom!

But I swear, I promise you all it was a nightmare… You don't believe me, huh? Well, I guess if I were in your shoes I wouldn't believe it either…

Can it ever be possible this belongs to the real world?! Yuk!